I'm sorry my penis didn't work
nutella sex= disaster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
