At least make sure they are 18
Why
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
