I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
