well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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