After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ttyl tear gas
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
