I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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