WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
