Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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