eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
