Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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