WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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