i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
