Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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