I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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