I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
