shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
