You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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