I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
