got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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