quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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