like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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