turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
