Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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