ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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