His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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