I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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