And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
