So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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