We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am naked and annoyed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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