Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
