Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
