She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
