you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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