I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
