Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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