Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
