Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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