so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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