and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
