Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
