dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
