is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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