Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
