went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
