i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
