i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
