I think i peed on brittanys purse
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
