i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
