My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
