Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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