Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
MIDGETS
????
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
