i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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