i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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