Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
