she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
