Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
