WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
