He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
