Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
