Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
