she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
