Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize