so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
