I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
