she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
