I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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