Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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