If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
