there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Still dying that you shit outside
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
