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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
