my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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